Stepping into Arrange Marriage: How to Move Forward?

Also, understand the key differences between arranged and love marriages.

It is very common in India to have an arranged marriage, and it is the preferred route that most Indians take. In an arranged marriage, the families of the bride and groom select the couple, frequently with the assistance of a matchmaker. Arranged marriages are based on family, cultural, and compatibility reasons, unlike love marriages, where people choose their spouses based on their feelings and preferences.

Cultures and groups arrange marriages differently. Families may perform rigorous background checks, assess social and economic compatibility, and consult astrologers or religious authorities during matchmaking. After finding a good match, the families may arrange a meeting or introduction for the bride and groom.

South Asia, the Middle East, and some African communities have many arranged marriages. Note that “arranged marriage” doesn’t necessarily mean the parties didn’t consent or choose. Many times, people can approve or reject a match after meeting and getting to know each other.

Arranged marriage, which combines familial expectations with the pursuit of a lifetime partnership, is still widely accepted in many communities. But for the bride and groom, sometimes it might be overwhelming to take future steps after marriage.

Building a strong and lasting marriage requires effort, communication, and understanding, whether it’s arranged or based on love. Here are five steps to nurture a long-lasting and loving marriage:

1. Communication is Key. Open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful marriage. Discuss your expectations, dreams, and concerns with your spouse. Be an active listener, and encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings as well. Effective communication helps us understand each other better.
2. Cultivate Emotional Intimacy: Emotional intimacy is crucial for a deep and fulfilling connection. Share your emotions, vulnerabilities, and joys with your partner. Make an effort to understand your spouse’s emotional needs and be there for them in times of both joy and challenge. Building emotional intimacy creates a strong bond between partners.
3. Respect Each Other’s Individuality: While marriage involves partnership, it’s important to respect each other’s individuality. Recognize and appreciate the unique qualities, interests, and perspectives that each of you brings to the relationship. Allowing space for personal growth and expression fosters a sense of independence within the marriage.
4. Invest in Quality Time Together: Spending quality time together is essential for maintaining a strong connection. Whether it’s through shared activities, date nights, or simple conversations, dedicating time to each other strengthens the bond. Make an effort to understand each other’s love languages and express affection in ways that resonate with your spouse.
5. Navigate Challenges Together: Every marriage faces challenges. It’s important to approach difficulties as a team. Work together to find solutions, seek compromise, and support each other during tough times. Facing challenges as a united front strengthens the resilience of the relationship.

Are arranged marriages More successful than love marriages?

The success of a marriage, whether arranged or based on love, depends on various factors, and it’s challenging to make a blanket statement about the superiority of one over the other. Both types of marriages have their own unique strengths and challenges, and success often hinges on the individuals involved, their compatibility, and the cultural context.

One important thing to consider is that if the family is not happy with the love marriage, especially the groom-side family in the Indian context, it will be a forever pain point in life. They might hate the bride and try to impose their thoughts, way of life, and overall superiority on her. Sometimes possessiveness issues can also impact marriage badly. You must reconsider your decision to marry against family wishes if the groom is not able to handle his family and cannot set boundaries of life and respect.

Here are some considerations:

1. Cultural Context: Cultural expectations and norms can have a great impact on the success of arranged marriages. In cultures where arranged marriages are common, couples may receive strong support from their families, which can contribute to the success of the marriage. However, if family support is missing, it is a red flag.
2. Expectations and Commitment: Both partners’ commitment and effort are frequently key factors in the success of any marriage. In love marriages, individuals might enter the marriage with a deeper understanding of each other’s personalities, but success depends on how well they navigate challenges together. A love marriage involves higher expectations from each other, which may cause friction later.
3. Compatibility and Adaptability: Arranged marriages might involve individuals with diverse backgrounds coming together. Success depends on the couple’s ability to understand and adapt to each other. Love marriages may benefit from a pre-existing emotional connection but still require compatibility and adaptability.
4. Communication and Understanding: Both types of marriages require effective communication and mutual understanding. Arranged marriages might involve a learning curve as partners get to know each other, while love marriages may benefit from a foundation of shared experiences.

In conclusion, the success of a marriage depends on the individuals involved, their commitment, and their ability to navigate the complexities of a lifelong partnership. Arranged marriages and love marriages can both be successful when approached with respect, understanding, and a commitment to growth as a couple.

Potential red flags in a love marriage

Identifying potential red flags in a love marriage from the groom’s family side in India requires careful consideration and understanding of cultural nuances. While every family is unique, certain behaviors or expectations might raise concerns. Here are some potential red flags:

1. Strong Opposition: If the groom’s family vehemently opposes the marriage without clear reasons, it could be a red flag. This might include refusing to meet the partner or expressing concerns without a willingness to discuss or understand the relationship.
2. Excessive Demands or Expectations: Unreasonable demands, especially financial ones, can be a red flag. If the groom’s family is making excessive requests or expecting a level of financial contribution that seems disproportionate, it might indicate potential issues.
3. Lack of Communication: Open communication is crucial in any marriage. If the groom’s family is unwilling to communicate or is not transparent about their expectations, it might indicate a lack of willingness to build a healthy relationship.
4. Caste or Religious Discrimination: In some cases, families may raise objections based on caste or religious differences. Discrimination or refusal to accept a partner due to these factors can be a red flag, indicating potential challenges in the future.
5. Interference in Personal Choices: If the groom’s family tries to control or dictate personal choices, such as career decisions, lifestyle, or personal relationships, it might signal potential issues in accepting the autonomy of the individual and their partner.
6. History of Disapproval in the Family: If there is a history of disapproval of love marriages within the groom’s family, it’s essential to understand whether this pattern is likely to continue. Past behavior can be an indicator of future actions.
7. Unwillingness to Compromise: A successful marriage requires compromise and understanding from both sides. If the groom’s family appears rigid and unwilling to make compromises or adjustments for the sake of the relationship, it could pose challenges.
8. Lack of Respect for the Partner: Signs of disrespect or disdain towards the partner by the groom’s family can be a significant red flag. Mutual respect is fundamental for the success of any marriage.

It’s important to approach these considerations with sensitivity and an understanding that cultural differences may contribute to family dynamics. Open and honest communication with the groom and his family can help address concerns and establish a foundation for a healthy marriage. Seeking advice from trusted elders or professionals might also be beneficial.